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ceo_brain

Gaming CEO Suggests Live Services As Treatment For Wife’s Cancer

Adrian Jones June 11, 2025

Last month, tensions reached a boiling point in Mount Sinai’s oncology suite when Gaming CEO Brian Donaldson clashed with the medical team overseeing his wife Brenda’s treatment for stage 3 colorectal cancer.

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virtuous

Virtuous Game Journo Reincarnated as Actual Journalist

Adrian Jones June 11, 2025

In a turn of events straight out of an Isekai anime, Will Brouchard came back to life on Thursday after an unfortunate unicycle accident.

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bioware_writer

Fired Bioware Writers Given Choice of Red, Green, or Blue Boxes to Pack Their Shit

Adrian Jones June 11, 2025

The mood was somber at the Edmonton Bioware offices on Friday, as the writing staff for Dragon Age: The Veilguard was unceremoniously ejected from their positions as gaming’s chief pontificators.

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twitchstar

Twitch Says Israeli Streamers Now Only Able to Use Gold Star Emotes

Joanna Levitt June 11, 2025

Israeli streamers reported an unexpected change to their accounts on Monday, as regular the subscriber emotes were replaced with a single one: the Gold Star.

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bad_vibes

Non-Binary Force User Not Vibing With Current Dichotomy

Joanna Levitt June 11, 2025

“I feel I need to ask this, but is there an option that doesn’t require someone to live like celibate robocops or total freaking psychos?”

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younghee

Gaming Studio Replaces DEI Program with Young-Hee Doll

Adrian Jones June 11, 2025

In what some describe a staggering over-correction, local area law firm Glassford & Sons terminated its diversity programs last week, and replaced them with the Young-Hee Doll from Netflix’s hit show Squid Game.

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200iq

200 IQ Twitch Streamer Tired of Being Misunderestimated

Adrian Jones June 11, 2025

Streamer Kyle Barrows, better known as BrainStormZ, says he hasn’t received the recognition he deserves after reaching Platinum Rank in Hearthstone last week.

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asslock

Warlock Successfully Casts Anal [Hellfire], Ruins Guild’s Night Out

Adrian Jones June 11, 2025

Things took a dark and odorous turn earlier this week as local guild AxeToMouth gathered at the Stoutlager Inn to celebrate the acquisition of their newest member, Fondle, a holy priest who “heals pets” and can dispel diseases “without being asked six times”.

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younglings

‘Standards Are Slipping’ Say Former Students, As Jedi Academy Acceptance Rate Jumps to 0.000000000002%

Adrian Jones June 11, 2025

This year’s incoming class at Coruscant’s Jedi Academy will be the largest ever. 16 pupils were accepted this year, topping last year’s count by two.

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Schoolyard Fight Lasts 16 Hours As Weebs Insist On Providing Deep Emotional Context Before Each Punch

Adrian Jones June 11, 2025

Students from Southbury Middle School were giddy with excitement on Thursday as long-time rivals Bryson Jones and Nathan McAlister announced they would engage in a “no-holds-barred, bare-knuckle brawl” after school.

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